Happiness Is Not The Purpose of Marriage

"The purpose of marriage is to be married. It's not to find your own happiness." My neighbor quoted to me this morning. He's not sure of the source, but the intention is to understand there is duty involved in a relationship. It's not centered around your happiness. If you think that way, you're bound to be disappointed. 
He's happily married by the way, and so am I.

"Formerly, people married for survival, to have a bunch of kids to take care of the farm. It's not like that anymore." my neighbor continued. He and his wife are marriage counselors. "It solves a problem. It can keep you peaceful, content, but if you're expecting your own personal happiness from this, you're going to run into trouble."
"So, happiness is a byproduct?" I suggest.

Clean and Happy

"This is my favorite activity" she said while loading sheets into her washing machine, "I just love having everything really clean."

"That's a nice thing to enjoy" I commented.
While visiting friends last weekend, I helped my hosts take sheets off the beds for laundry day.

While I also appreciate cleanliness, the act of cleaning is just a chore to get done. Here is someone who likes 'clean' so much, that cleaning makes her happy! She smiled and sang to herself, turning knobs on the washing machine and adding soap, a happy moment in her life."I really like this." She repeated, just in case I hadn't gotten it the first time.

Our quality of life is directly related to what we take pleasure in.

People struggle with addictions, their lives compromised by guilt or legal issues simply because they desire the wrong things.

-Impure desires always lead to suffering.

-Pure desires always bring happiness.

Unfortunately there is no washing machine we can throw our mind and heart into.

Our desires must wash themselves.

It begins with an initial desire to improve.

The next step is to humble oneself, understanding we need help from others.

The process is very pleasant and you may find yourself saying, "I really like this. This is my favorite activity."

Yard Sale Lesson

“You don't need a new backpack." Maharha reminded me, "Gaura Narayan is moving out next year. You're not going to be camping anymore.” 

I had picked up the backpack at a yard sale a few blocks from Nilamani's home in New Jersey. (We spent last weekend at a wedding in NYC)

“OK, I'll take it back.”

On the walk back I thought about what she'd said.

Years ago we had 2 boys at home and a shortage of backpacks. The request stayed in my head and when the opportunity arose I acted on it, even though there was no longer a need for a backpack.

“How many outdated, irrelevant desires am I still carrying?” I wondered.

The empty pack weighed nothing on my shoulders.

I remember carrying 40 or 50 pound packs on week long expeditions.

It was always a relief to take off such a heavy pack.

Walking would feel like floating.

“Why burden myself any longer with unnecessary desires?”, I thought.

“This is the beginning of a new me. I release everything.”

Yeah right. If only it was that easy.

At home we have a cedar chest. Although we've washed it, aired it for weeks, it smells like mothballs. Anything we put in there smells like mothballs. Because of that, we don't keep anything in there.

Desires can be like that. No matter how hard we try to shake them, the smell remains and pollutes everything we do.

What to do with desires that serve no useful purpose?

Religions, philosophies, psychologists, counselors, deep thinkers, parents, teachers and law enforcement agencies deal with this single question.

What to do with desires that serve no useful purpose?

The answer is simple, but the application is individual and unique in all cases. Like stopping a train, momentum pushes us forward long after we apply the brakes. We may do everything correctly, but it takes time to see results. Don't give up. 

Bad habits (desires) are broken by forming good habits. 

Different Vehicle Required

"If you're traveling by car and reach the ocean, you need to change vehicles to continue the journey. A car cannot carry you over water.
At some point in study of Bhagavad Gita or other wisdom books, you have to leave reasoning behind and take a different vehicle.
Even in science we do this to reach our destination. There are so many things that are unknown about light and electricity, yet we still use them in Science."

(A software engineer's contribution to a Gita discussion a couple weeks ago.)

The Gita teaches us that we suffer due to desire and anger. By analysis we learn to detach ourselves from these emotions, thus attaining our true, happy nature. Taking God's help makes this journey much easier. This book is so accommodating that even for those who have difficulty accepting a personal God, the Gita says, “OK, try it this way....”

“Reason is in fact the path to faith, and faith takes over when reason can say no more.”
― Thomas Merton

Granny Wisdom

"There's no issue that can't be resolved."

"Do you really believe that?" I asked. I was speaking with a family friend, a grandmother. She's raised kids and faced severe challenges. I wanted to hear her 'granny wisdom'. 
Did she honestly feel there is hope for everyone?

"Yes, I thoroughly believe it." she replied.
She's hasn't led an easy life, much of it spent as a single mom.

"How? After all you've been through? I don't want to cause doubt in your mind. If I understand your conviction it might affect me."

"Inside everyone there is a place" she answered," that's not touched by darkness.You can call it God, Krishna, Common Sense, Your Inner Self, whatever you want to call it," she continued," but it's there in everyone. It responds to love."

Her conviction had the effect I was hoping for.

I'm confident you will find similar teachings in every Wisdom Book. Bhagavad Gita's conclusion advises us to fully deliberate on the lesson and then do as we choose. But like a doting father sending his child off into the world, Krishna nudges us and winks, "Follow my advice and you'll have nothing to fear." Then He pulls us close, whispering in our ear with emotion, "Hey, I really love you and am always here for you."

He's addressing that place in us that is not touched by darkness.

Bhagavad Gita Chapter 18, text 63- 66

http://vedabase.com/en/bg/18/63

If Elephants Could Fly

“We know we should be grateful for everything. What if a bird poops on you? Do you have experience of that here? While standing under a tree...?” The speaker imitates , looking up, wiping his shoulder with disgust. “How would you feel grateful for that? Anyone...? Who can answer this?”

35 young smiles respond, shaking their heads, admitting they don't have an answer.

I'm at a youth retreat in Atlanta, sitting on the cool marble floor of the temple room. The speaker is from ISKCON's World headquarters in Mayapur, West Bengal.

“A grateful person would consider, 'I am very glad that elephants don't fly.”

We laugh, glancing at each other in the colorful temple room.                                
"Now let me tell you another story of gratitude.” he continues,” A man bought tickets for the maiden voyage of the Titanic. He was not a rich man. He invested all his savings so his family could have this once in a lifetime experience. Unfortunately one of his sons was bitten by a stray dog just the day before the journey. He was unable to go. The whole family couldn't go. The man was furious. The tickets were non refundable. He had spent all his savings for this trip and some stupid dog had ruined their plans..... When he learned what happened to the Titanic, he wanted to find that dog and feed it, to show gratitude.”

Everyone nods in appreciation as Naru Gopal continues, story after story, advising the audience on proper conduct, proper attitude and goals.

This is an easy situation for me to be grateful. My 18 year old son is part of this group of high achieving kids, studying medicine, engineering, some having already graduated and begun their practice. No matter how tight their schedules, they give 5 days a year for this retreat. They organize it themselves, invite speakers from around the world, arrange cooking and accommodations.

On our drive home I notice a sign in front of a church, “What if you woke tomorrow morning with only the things you have given thanks for today?”

Every 17 Years

We had a visitor from town last weekend.
"What's that sound?" She asked, "Is it somebody's car alarm?"

"No.It's the Cicadas. Don't you have them in Winston Salem?"

"Yeah, but not like this."

"There's a lot of trees here, and not much other noise, so I guess they're louder than you're used to in town."

This brood of Cicadas comes out of the ground every 17 years.

About a week ago they emerged. They were all over the road, climbing out of their old skins, drying in the sun, then flying into the trees where they begin singing.

Without the aid of internet or cell phones, every last one of them made their emergence within two days.

Soil temperature and biological change signal it's time to come up, time for metamorphosis.

17 year Cicadas

As humans, many of us feel an urge to meta-morph into something better. We feel an urge to improve, that there is a higher level to pursue.

Insects are programmed to respond to urges and external stimuli.This insures the specie will survive.

Humans are similarly programed to mate and hoard food and possessions as much as possible.
Progress begins when we transform those urges into sharing and loving.
This is just the beginning.
There are multiple skins to grow out of, unhealthy habits and thought patterns to leave behind.

This happens automatically as we grow. If you pull the skin off a cicada before its time, the cicada will die. As it grows, the skin naturally sheds. As we develop spiritually, we naturally leave behind unwanted habits.

 

 A step by step progression has been described;

1) Faith and understanding that you are a spiritual being - Adau Shraddha

2) Find inspiring friends- Sadhu Sanga

3) Engage in a Spiritual Practice - Bhajana Kriya

4) Clearing stage, bad habits drop away- Anartha Nivrtti

As difficult as it sounds, there comes a time when all bad habits are left behind. The practitioner is rid of them forever. The rare people who achieve this stage are naturally attractive, as the good qualities inherent in all of us, are able to shine through, unimpeded. This appears to be an International phenomena manifest in all cultures and traditions, which gives us faith that it is attainable, that the goal does exist.

The next brood of 17 year Cicada will appear in 2030.

How will you evolve by that time?